I knew that Avatar 3D would have a lot to answer for – it does and it comes in the shape of a big deadly toothy bunch of prehistoric piranha. Never mind the gorgeous moon of Pandora, now we can be plunged headfirst into a primeval pool of killer fish, courtesy of Piranha 3D. Elizabeth Shue, Jerry O’Connell and Christopher Lloyd do battle against the little buggers in April 2010 and, not content with his last fishy encounter, Richard Dreyfuss also features – briefly. The trailer was shown in some theatres before Avatar but reports of queasiness from viewers may be a reason why it’s not making the rounds. And that brings me on to the strange thing about Disaster Movie trailers – the trailer is often better than the movie.
Disaster Movies may face a challenge as filmmakers head into the next decade. If special effects are a necessary component of a satisfying Disaster Movie – there have to be some compensations for the dialogue and the expendable characterisation – then 3D gimmicks may not be enough after 2012. Although, it may also be true that 2012 showed that you can have too much of a good thing and that the best hope for future Disaster Movies is to take a step backwards and rely a little less on the blue and green screens and a bit more on the human in peril. Main characters died in 2012 and I didn’t even notice. I want to notice. I want to care and have a good laugh. I remember Gene Hackman swinging from that steam valve. This, then, is my guide to what I want in a Disaster Movie.
1. Heroes. The best Disaster Movies are those in which we care for the protagonists, not just because they’re cute freckly kids or little furry animals, but because they’re heroic. They show that, whatever the world throws at us, humanity will survive and is better than a swarm of killer fish (or one big killer fish), asteroids, meteors, fire, lousy weather, disease, insects, sunspots, an overheating planet core. Think Gene Hackman, even Kurt Russell in the Poseidon remake. How about that duo made in heaven Paul Newman and Steve McQueen? Or Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum smoking that cigar? I’m trying desperately not to think of Sean Connery in Meteor – quite possibly the worst film ever made. Ever. Among my other favourite heroes in the face of disaster are Bruce Willis (Armageddon), Tommy Lee Jones (Volcano), David Arquette (Eight Legged Freaks), Dennis Quaid (Day After Tomorrow), George Clooney (Perfect Storm) and Charlton Heston (Earthquake). They don’t all have to make it – they just have to be heroic without making a big song and dance about it.
2. Scenery. It’s not all about special effects, a Disaster Movie should look good and shouldn’t always be about cities – Yellowstone, Himalayas (2012), the moon (Armageddon), Lake Placid (Lake Placid), the sea (Perfect Storm), centre of the earth (The Core), wide open spaces (Twister), Himalayas (Vertical Limit).
3. Music. Music, if used effectively, will give you a nudge during a heroic moment or wake you up in time for the peril. For me, the best use of music was in the Perfect Storm and The Day After Tomorrow. It would be difficult to discuss Disaster Movie music without recalling Armageddon which used music mercilessly. Did 2012 have music in it?
4. Disaster. Have filmmakers run out of diasasters? It seems difficult to top the full-scale devastation and the loss of billions in 2012. Piranha 3D will depict disaster on a much smaller scale – probably the dead and injured will only number in the teens – but can you have too many films about piranhas? There were too many films about anacondas, after all. And judging by the BBC’s new series Triffids, you can have too many productions about killer plants.
5. The message. In order for Disaster Movies to be not just about the wanton destruction of life as we know it, a message is usually tagged on so that we, the audience, will call on our politicians to stop global warming, to stop the creation of deadly viruses in labs, to stop destabling the core of the planet, to stop awakening long dormant prehistoric fish, to stop breeding killer bees, to stop nudging asteroids out of their harmless orbits.
6. Gravitas. The President of the United States should always be played by a respected actor – Morgan Freeman (Deep Impact), Danny Glover (2012), Bill Pullman (Independence Day). The gravitas of a Disaster Movie and the extent of the damage caused to Earth is also indicated by the film’s length. 2012 lasted an extraordinarily long time.
To finish, here is a list of my top ten disaster movies (the presence of Jake Gyllenhaal in The Day After Tomorrow obviously elevates that film into near Indie status and, therefore, it tops my list):-
10. Independence Day
9. Poseidon Adventure
8. Earthquake
7. Airplane!
6. Volcano
5. Twister
4. Towering Inferno
3. Deep Impact
2. Perfect Storm
1. The Day After Tomorrow
On a personal note, I had a drink in the original Crow’s Nest bar in Gloucester, Mass. this year (Perfect Storm) and I’m glad to say there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.
I’d add one to that impressive list of disaster movie tropes, Kate:
Cannon fodder. Disaster movies have big casts, and frequently these casts are resolutely B-list. The reason for this – at least a half to thirds of that cast need to be dead at the end of the film. If there’s one big star, then it’s pretty much guaranteed that they will survive. With a cast full of familiar but not too starry faces, the director has the chance to pull out the stops as to who lives and who dies. Big body counts are part of the fun of the genre, IMHO.
One of the (many) reasons that 2012 failed so dismally was that there was never any doubt that John Cusack would live to sail into the sunset at the end of the film. Without risk, there’s no reward.
Talking about disaster films: are you watching the new version of Day Of The Triffids? Two disaster films in one, there!
Good point, Rob – cannon fodder is indeed essential – thinking of the extra dressed in red in Star Trek! I’ve gotta say though that 2012 was the exception to the rule for me on this one, because I thought John Cusack could have been a goner and I would not have even blinked. I wonder what happened to those giraffes…
OMG – that Triffids thing. What have they done to it! I wanted to tear my own eyes out watching it. Not that I watched it for long.